Letters

Dear Mother Nature,

Please send us some rain.  Pretty, pretty please?  And while you're at it, can you lower the temperatures by about ten degrees?  We are baking to death and going broke paying our electric and water bills.

Drinking Gatorade by the Gallon,
A Summer-Weary Texan



Dear My Poor Lawn,

I have failed you miserably.  You are half dead and scraggly and you look just downright pitiful.  I apologize for not being able to keep you as lush and green as you're used to.  I have faith in you, though, and I know once we get some good rain, you'll be back to your healthy self.  Hang in there.

Apologizing Profusely,
Your Brown-Thumbed Caretaker



Dear Tenant,

Good for you that you grew up in a place without roaches.  However, you live in Houston now and Houston has roaches.  Big roaches.  The drought is making them come into the house to look for water.  The exterminator's been out.  Twice.  Ryan has sprayed both the inside and outside of the house.  I've offered to make some bug bombs for you and I almost took a picture of a huge roach I saw crawling around our back porch to prove to you that they are everywhere.  I'm sorry it grosses you out, but you're just going to have to deal with it until this drought breaks.

A Fellow Roach Hater,
Your Co-Landlord



Dear Swim Lesson Mom,

I know you have three young boys, but do you have to be so loud all the time, especially in a concreted room that echoes so badly?  Even my boisterous and loud four year old thinks you're a bit over the top in the decibel department.

With Ears Covered,
The Mom Sitting Next to You



Dear Crotchety Old Minister,

If you chastise the congregation one more time for applauding after the choir's special music instead of saying, "Amen", I am going to stomp up to the altar and yell "AMEN" as loud as I can into your hearing aid.

It's Time to Retire,
A Fed-up Congregant

Dear P@t R0berts0n,

Haiti deserves a devastating earthquake for making a deal with the devil and the east coast gets an earthquake and then a hurricane because God is mad at them for being too liberal?  So you can read God's mind, can you?  Wow.  Arrogant, much?

Disgusted,
Someone With Compassion