Thursday, April 11, 2013

I Would if I Could

Things I'd like to say to some of my FB friends (but won't for obvious reasons)....

1.  For the life of me, I can not figure out why you're sending me a friend request.  You were a jerk to me in high school and now you want to be my friend?

2. Why do you "like" your own FB status or picture?  You wouldn't have posted it if you didn't like it already.

3. Please don't whine to me about how you don't like the things I "like".  Chances are, if you don't like the things I "like" then I don't like the things you "like", either.  The difference is that I've figured out how to block seeing your "likes".

4. On a related note, there is a difference between "liking" something and reposting it.  I'll admit that I  have strong opinions on a lot of things, but I choose not to use FB the way that you do by reposting every single thing I agree with.

5. Enough with the ambiguous status updates, i.e. "I'm having the worst day ever but I can't talk about it" or "Some people need to mind their own business and stop sticking their noses in things they know nothing about".  (Actually, that last one is usually a run-on with some sort of profanity, texting language and/or terrible grammar in it - "Sum people need to stop being a h8er and mind there own &*%$ing bizness and stop stickin there fat ^&%$ing noses in things they don't know nothin about.")  (It actually pained me to write that.)

6. On a similar note, if you're going to use FB for a rant of some sort and expect people to take you seriously, you should probably check your spelling and grammar before you hit "post".  Prime example?  One of my friends posted, "John Doe* - your so dumb!"  Gah!

7. If you're going to post a link to an article with some sort of snarky comment, please be sure to have read and understood the article before doing so.  Otherwise, you look about as smart as the people in examples #5 and #6.

8. Snopes is your friend.  Use it before posting some kind of inflammatory article/quote/unsubstantiated statistic.  If you tell me you don't trust Snopes because it has some kind of "agenda", please just stay off the internet completely delete me.  Seriously.

9. Posting hateful opinions on the same topic several times a week is not going to change my mind on any issue.  It is going to make me think a whole lot less of you, however.

10. If you think you're going to make me feel bad about deleting me, you won't.  Chances are, if you dislike me that much, I've probably already blocked you or haven't gotten around to deleting you first. 

Whew!  I feel much better now.  :)

*Names have been changed to protect the stupid.


  1. I agree with all of these!! Especially #8. I was actually told "I don't trust snopes" by someone this week. I did not respond, but would have liked to say, "I just trust this person who shared something for the 400th time. Someone you don't actually know, have never met, and probably would not like in person. Good policy!" You left out only one group and that would be the "Facebook Christians" that are always posting bible verses in between their profanity-laden outburts and passive-agressive cries for help.

  2. You're right - I forgot the FB Christians! I especially love the ones who slept around all through high school and college and now post Bible verses or talk about how "blessed" they are every other day. I know people change, but....really?

  3. Thank you Jana, this is exactly what I would have written if I had a blog (which I don't) but this is what my husband hears from me about FB all the time. And people, yes please, please use Snopes!