Although we didn't travel far for Memorial weekend, our car got quite a workout going to and from Crosby to visit the families and to use them for free babysitting. Driving through the town several times got me to thinking about all of the quirky things that once made me crazy about living there but at the same time made me both love it forever (and vow to never move back).
1. The whole town (minus Wal-Mart) closes down for church on Sunday mornings (and Wednesday evenings) and every Friday evening during football season.
2. Several old men meet EVERY morning (at 6 am) at the Dairy Queen to eat breakfast and discuss town issues, the weather and what else, football.
3. For years, the dining out choices included McDonald's, Sonic or one of five Mexican restaurants.
4. For entertainment, the teenagers have parties in local pastures. Cow tipping is usually involved.
5. If you're Catholic, Methodist or Lutheran you have one choice of where to worship. If you're Baptist, you have ten choices. If you're Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or any kind of Orthodox Christian you're out of luck and probably living in the wrong town.
6. The pawn shop often has a sign saying something like, "Go Cougars! Shotguns 20% off".
7. If you're driving on the main drag and traffic is slow, you're either in "post-train" traffic or there's a farm tractor up ahead.
8. The main drag is lined with signs thanking individual veterans every Memorial and Veteran's Days.
9. The old high school band director was also a cop who wore her uniform and gun to class. Sometimes playing a wrong note made you fear for your life.
10. The annual rodeo is a huge affair that becomes a giant high school reunion, at least for those who like country music.
11. The lack of an official city government allows the Chamber of Commerce to become the de facto town council and the school superintendent to be the de facto mayor.
12. The marching band gets standing ovations after each halftime show.
13. The oldest grocery store in town still allows its oldest customers to charge their purchases on a store account.
14. The minister of the First Baptist Church (not to be confused with the other nine Baptist churches) is also the announcer at the football games.
15. The first day of deer season is an unofficial holiday.
16. There are at least a dozen shacks that sell fireworks the weeks preceding July 4th and New Year's Eve. There is also a fireworks warehouse. The town sounds like a war zone two days a year.
17. One side of the highway is where the white people live. The other side of the highway is where the black people live. A few black people live on the white side, but absolutely no white people live on the black side.
18. The primary agricultural product of the town is grass. Landscaping grass, not the other grass.
19. One of the ice houses usually has a sign saying something like, "Saturday - Crawfish, UFC, Live Band". It's always standing room only.
20. There are two town doctors. One is a quack and the other has two citations for sexually harassing female patients. Both remain in business.
I could go on and on (obviously). I had a great childhood and I enjoy going back occasionally, but I don't think we'll ever move back there. We'll always have fond memories, though.
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