Laws of Parenting

Remember all of those laws and principles of science?  Laws of thermodynamics, law of gravity, yada, yada, yada...

Well, I thought it was about time for some Laws of Parenting:

1. The Law of Diminishing Babysitting Returns -  The number of kids you have is in inverse proportion to the number of people who will babysit for free.

2. The Theorem of Crumb Explosion - No matter how many times a day you sweep your kitchen floor, it will look like a war zone by the day's end.

3. The Food Fundamental - Even though your toddler refuses to eat what's on his plate, he will have no problem eating off of your plate despite it being the exact same food.

4. The Date Night Truth - On the rare occasion when you and your spouse get to dress up and go out on the town alone, you will inevitably find a breast milk stain, trails of dried spit up, a smearing of poop or remnants of whatever your child ate that day on your clothing.  Despite all of your hard work to look otherwise, you will still look like a mom.  Most of the time, you'll laugh about it and won't care.  Unless it's silk.  And then you have permission to cry.

5.  The Potty Principle - Despite making your child go potty before leaving to go someplace, he or she will declare in the loudest voice possible upon your arrival to said place, "I need to go potty right now."  You don't dare refuse him; you most certainly don't want to face the inevitable consequence of doing so.

6.  The Laundry Law, Part I - No matter how hard you inspect your child's clothing for stains and stickers before washing it, you will miss something and he/she will wind up having a permanently stickered/stained piece of clothing.

7. The Laundry Law, Part II - After experiencing Laundry Law I, you will make your kid wear the stickered/stained clothing anyway.

8. The Pocket Principle - Every pair of pants or shorts you own that has pockets will wind up containing stray goldfish crackers, stickers, barrettes, pigtail holders and/or used tissues.  If you're not careful, your clothes will fall victim to the Laundry Law, Part I.

9. The Hand-Me-Down Clothes Postulate - The older your child gets, the more you will appreciate hand-me-down clothes.  Ironically, the older your child gets, the less he or she will want to wear them.

10. The Axiom of Exponential Love - The amount of love you have will grow exponentially with each additional child.  It may defy some law of physics, but there is always enough love to go around.