Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sincerely Yours

Dear Afternoon Gymnastics Moms,

Why can't you be more like the moms from our morning session of gymnastics? All of us wore comfortable clothes, little makeup and got along really well. We looked forward to chatting with each other each Wednesday morning while watching our children acquire gymnastics skills. Our kids became friends and invited each other to their birthday parties. I really looked forward to Wednesday mornings.

But now, I dread bringing my daughter to her gymnastics lessons. You GapMoms really are a collective piece of work. Not only are you the snottiest women in the entire city, but when grouped together, you remind me of the cheerleader clique from high school. I enjoyed high school, but you know, I was happy when it was over. Silly me thought that the high school mentality would subside, but apparently not.

To the Yellow Polo GapMom: I saw you giving me the once over as we entered the gym and I don't appreciate it. No, I wasn't wearing the nicest clothes or makeup, but you know what, I was in my workout outfit and unlike you, I actually go to the gym to workout. I sweat when I exercise and I'm not going to wear a $50 workout outfit just to impress the likes of you.

To the Frilly Pink Shirt GapMom: Do you have nothing better to do than to sashay back and forth in front of the parent seating area waving your hot pink phone around? Just who are you trying to impress with your tight, size 2 jeans? It can't be the gymnastics coach because he is gay. You can't be trying to get the attention of the "sideline coach dad" who sits in the parent area. He's too busy yelling, "Stick and pose!! Stick and pose!!!" at his four year old daughter to notice you. Are you just too busy chatting it up on your phone with the annoying ring to notice that they have no interest in you or your tight pants?

To the Tight Green Shirt GapMom: Would it kill you to eat something? You give new meaning to adult anorexia; I could literally see the outline of your bones through your shirt. Oh, and could you have been any less original in naming your girls? They are going to grow up having four girls in every grade school class with their names.

To the Catalog Outfit GapMom: I give you credit, your outfit looked fabulous, like something straight out of the J. Crew or L.L. Bean catalog. But would it have killed you to stick around and watch your four year old daughter during her lesson? She spent the entire time looking around for you and you weren't there. I hope those errands were important.

Yes, I sound bitter, but I get tired of all the GapMom snottiness. I'm sure it's everywhere, not just in my city, but it sure is annoying. Get over yourselves. Contrary to what you think, I'm not jealous of you nor do I want to join your little group. I have friends who don't care how I dress or that I don't spend an hour every morning making myself look "casual, yet trendy." Just know that while you glance my direction, whisper to each other and giggle and judge me, I'm doing it right back.

The Average, non-GapMom

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