If You Can't Say Something Nice...

My mom always stressed the "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" mantra. I'm not saying that I always follow it, but I do try (quit rolling your eyes, Ryan). Lately, some of the people on my neighborhood moms Yahoo group have been getting on my nerves and instead of saying what I think to them, I'll say it to you guys instead.

To the people who refuse to vaccinate their children and then chastise those of us who do: You have every right to not vaccinate your children. You have every right to think that the government is evil for asking you to vaccinate your children. But don't you dare lecture me about the evils of it. I'm not stupid. I can read medical studies and articles and form my own opinions. In fact, you ought to be thanking me for vaccinating my children because my kids and the thousands of other vaccinated children in the neighborhood keep YOUR kids from catching horrible diseases that are completely preventable.

To the mom who doesn't want her children to have fluoride in their water: I would love to see your children's teeth in twenty years. I guarantee you that dental work is no fun and you are setting them up for a lifetime of misery.

To the people who e-mailed me warnings about having our house tented for termites: No, the process was not fun and yes, it was expensive, but we did the research and decided it was the best thing for our 80 year old house. You people wanted me to have someone come out and spray some all-natural fruity moss juice on the infected areas. Are you kidding me? What good is that going to do? No, it's not toxic and may have been better for my family in the short run, but I'm not going to pay someone to do that every two months to keep my house from falling down. Plus, you know what? The only live bugs we've seen since the tenting are two spiders and a grasshopper. I bet you can't say the same.

To the new moms who make extraordinary demands for their dinner drops: We are all happy that you've just had a baby. We completely understand if you really dislike fish or have a food allergy. But when you list EIGHT things you don't like or request VEGAN meals, don't be disappointed when there aren't people lined up around the block to bring you a meal. And a quick e-mail to say "thank you" for a meal wouldn't kill you, either.

To the people who repeatedly brag that their kids don't watch TV: Good for you. You're a better parent than me. If you'd like to come to my house and entertain my kids while I get dressed in the morning or while I cook dinner, you're more than welcome to. Until then, I don't want to hear about it.

To the moms who "slam" hospital/doctor led births: Not everyone wants to give birth in their home bathtub with no drugs. Yes, I would have preferred to not have a c-section, but don't make me feel more guilty about it than I already do, OK? And you better believe that if I'd been able to give birth the "normal" way ("normal" is your word, not mine), I would have demanded every drug imaginable. Not all of us want to be martyrs.

To the "You're killing the earth by using disposable diapers" moms: If you want to use cloth diapers, go right ahead. Not only is the initial investment in them very expensive (unless you buy used cloth diapers - can I just say "Ewww"?), you're also doing three or four extra loads of laundry a week to keep up with it since you go through three or four times as many diapers as I do. How is that helping the environment? Especially when you have to use HOT water on them.

To the moms who insist that everyone use vinegar and water to clean everything in their houses: I do not like the smell of vinegar. I do not want my entire house smelling like vinegar. And I haven't read anything about vinegar killing bacteria as effectively as my manufactured cleaning products. So I'll just keep using my anti-bacterial stuff for now, OK?

Whew! I feel much better now. Thanks for listening.