Wanna Feel Like a Loser?

On Thursday, I received my "Semi-annual Make You Feel Like a Loser Newsletter". This is also known as my college alumni newsletter. Twice a year I am subjected to the braggings of my fellow alumnus and although I never give the school money or send them my contact information, they always seem to find me anyway.

Most of the alumni updates are about people I don't know so I usually scan them to find names that I recognize. And I have to say, their lives sound a whole lot more interesting than mine. Granted, I attended the Honors Program at my university (and that's the alumni newsletter that I get) so most of the submissions are from people who had near perfect SAT scores and went on to get one or more graduate degrees. But I still feel like a loser compared to them.

So, I got to thinking: what would my ideal "alumni snippet" look like?

"Jana ______ ('98, history) married Ryan _______ ('99, biology) in 2000. After shaping young minds in the arts of social studies for several years, Jana went on to have and stay home with two fabulous, even genius, children and is expecting a third in the spring. She owns her own chocolate business, volunteers at church and is next in line to be Rick Steves' travel assistant in Europe. She and her family currently live in an historic area of Houston, but will soon be traveling throughout Europe trying out and writing reviews of various restaurants, hotels, historic sites and tourist attractions. She may be contacted through PBS."

Instead, I'm afraid my actual snippet would read something like this:

"Jana ______ ('98, history) married Ryan _______ ('99, biology) in 2000. After spending several years teaching geography to disinterested and unappreciative high schoolers, Jana went on to have and stay home with two children and is expecting her third in the spring. She owns her own chocolate business (that is on hold until her life gets sorted out), volunteers at church (for the free childcare and to feel useful to society) and dreams of someday needing to get a passport so that she can finally fulfill a life-long dream of going to Europe. Anywhere in Europe. Jana and her family currently live in an historic area of Houston, but will soon be moving to the Land of Fruit where she will desperately try to fit into suburbia and find friends for both herself and her children."

And this is why I don't bother to send in my little snippet to the newsletter. (Don't get me wrong, though. I love my life and wouldn't change a thing.)

So....what would your ideal "alumni snippet" say?