Masochist

Sometimes I wonder why I punish myself. With Liam's birthday being in November and Evan's being in May (exactly six months apart), I thought I'd be smart and schedule their well-child visits (Liam's third year and Evan's 18 month's) together. Not so smart.

We made it about 75% of the way through both checkups without incident and I was getting all excited. But, of course, all heck broke loose and by the time we left the office, I was a sweaty, disheveled mess who got looks of pity from every doctor, nurse and secretary in the office.

Evan was wearing nothing but a diaper and his socks when Liam declared in the windowless exam room, "I nee go potty!" Since I was still in the middle of talking with the pediatrician, I asked him to wait a minute. He proceeded to turn the lights on and off about ten times while the doctor was trying to write in the charts. He dumped his bag of goldfish on the floor. He threw his cup of juice. And when he tried to bite me for blocking both the door and the light switch, the pediatrician chuckled a bit and said, "Does it help to know that I have five kids and four of them are boys?" I just smiled, but honestly? No, it didn't help.

She left and I asked Liam to help me find all of Evan's clothes (that bought about two seconds of cooperation) and just as I was pulling up Evan's pants, Liam made a break for it and ran out of the exam room. I stuffed one of Evan's feet into a shoe and followed Liam through the maze that is the pediatrician's office. He'd made his way to the bathroom and had his pants halfway down when one of the other pediatricians asked him where his mom was. I took Liam's diaper off, he did his business and then we all marched back to the exam room to fetch the rest of Evan's clothes since he was wearing one shoe and had his pants around his ankles. And don't forget the diaperless Liam who proudly sauntered back to the exam room with his little behind showing.

Add in a few more light switch tricks at the main reception desk and an attempted break-in of an "Authorized Personnel Only" room and you can understand why, despite the temperature outside being in the 50's, I was covered in sweat by the time we left.

I'm telling you, everyday is an adventure. Someday I'll laugh about this and other crazy days, but for now, I'm counting the minutes until Happy Hour.